How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
