dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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