An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
