Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
