We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
