I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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