i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
