your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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