she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just had sex on a roof
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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