I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
