I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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