i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Rumble strips road head = magical
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
