Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
