We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
