Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
