Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
