Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
