These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
