new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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