oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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