malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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