You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
