So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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