Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
