i would punch a child for taco bell
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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