i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
