Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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