so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
