At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
