I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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