I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
