i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
