Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
