He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
