i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
