sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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