I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bring me that man meat
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
