Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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