Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
