Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
