well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
