why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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