its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
