I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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