I should be sponsored by Trojan
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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