it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
