Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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