I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
