I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Panties = found
Randomize
