I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
