thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
