nut hugger
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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