dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wish my penis had a tongue
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
