this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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