Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
