I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
